5 Tips for Helping Your Child with the Loss of a Pet

How do you answer your child's questions about where their pet goes when he/she dies? I feel that I’ve slowly been learning that it’s okay to not have an answer. I don’t really know what heaven is like or where it actually is. How do you explain what a soul or a spirit is to a child?

As the mother of two very curious young children, I have found myself over the past year in the position of answering my now, 4-year old, son’s questions about death, heaven, the cemetery up the road, etc. It’s been a real struggle for me. I want to be, most importantly, honest with him, but I don’t want to scare his literal mind either. For instance, when he first asked me what the cemetery was, I was hesitant to tell a 3-year old that people get buried in the ground. At the same time, it’s also quite easy to fall into the trap of underestimating children’s intelligence.

About a week after not really being able to explain some of these things to my son, my husband got a GREAT laugh when my son informed him that “mommy really doesn’t know very much.” I have to admit that I laughed too. Okay, we both laughed really hard.

Here are some tips that you might find helpful when trying to discuss this heavy subject with your child:

1. Be honest. It isn’t necessarily easy, but it is more helpful to the child in the long run.

2. Take a piece of paper and fold it in half. On one side of the paper, have your child draw a picture of your family before you lost your pet. On the other side of the paper, have them draw a picture of your family after you lost your pet. It’s helpful for them to share the picture with someone who will understand. Have your child explain it to you, or a grandparent, or other close friend or family member. The listening is very healing for the child.

3. It really helps to encourage your child to talk about how they’re feeling instead of holding it all in. Ask your child the following questions to help them start talking:

a. My favorite thing to do with my pet was . . .

b. The naughtiest thing that my pet ever did was . . .

c. The funniest that my pet ever did was . . .

d. What I miss most about my pet is . . . .

e. If I could talk to my pet, I would tell them . . .

4. Attempt to explain to your little one that the spirit or soul of their pet will always be with them. This can be very comforting to a child. They might not quite understand what that means right away, but they will think about it and try to make sense of it.

5. Help your child to create their own pet memorial. Have them decorate a shoebox or photobox with their own drawings, photos and cutouts of their pet. It will be that much more special to them made by their own hands. Inside the box they can keep all of their pet mementos. It can also be used as a pet urn if they would like to keep the ashes someplace sacred.

Getting children to talk about their feelings is the best way to help them work through their grief. It is important to keep gently opening the lines of communication with them, to continue to try to keep them talking. Providing a soft shoulder and big, warm hug sure helps too.

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